Try and replicate Van Basten’s over-the-shoulder classic with his wrong foot? Calvert-Lewin?!? Lovren’s been screwing up since 2014, and some still await the emergent butterfly. The manager’s one of them, sadly. Nice goal against Bournemouth, though. Brave, too.

I’ve been arguing on Mane’s behalf all week after he’d shot instead of passing when it was 1-0. Crackpot theories about how he hates playing second fiddle to Salah blithely ignore the goals he set up for him at West Ham and Stoke.

Still, it was a fortnight ago; suppose you can’t blame people for forgetting. Klopp dropped him, anyway. After Albion the need for blame swirled around like the rain but if your Fab Four play like Freddie & The Dreamers what hope is there?

It’s a half decent side peppered with some great players on their day. You catch a glimpse of the finished article, like City, babble some cliché about work in progress then shuffle ungratefully onto the next match.

It took a week for the optimism after Spartak to dissolve. Fast work, even by our standards.

Refusal to join in premature celebrations gets derided as killjoy behaviour. It’s only a safeguard because you know the next banana skin is around the corner.

Those who jauntily zoom around it only to fall on their stupid arses as Liverpool disappoint again won’t get sympathy. You see something happen this often still unprepared? That’s your dumb lookout.

Rotation is the big bugbear again, but he can be a bit sly Klopp with his “maybe I should play the same 11” straw man arguments.

He came up with a belter the other day about Liverpool being the only place where one poor week puts you “back in the dark ages”. Nobody thought that. People know it’s complicated but it’d be nice if we weren’t reduced to the level of a gameshow audience.

Rotation, using different players and strategies, is fully understood but it’s a bit much being lectured by someone who spent 90% of his transfer funds on midfielders or attacking midfielders, with Keita and possibly Lemar still to come.

The cheap left-back he grudgingly bought? Continuously leaves him out of the team until Moreno is goosed and there’s no alternative. Robertson was absolutely great against Bournemouth, by the way.

Sunday proved the new red adage that if they get three goals they’ll be alright…probably.

Was anybody else still worried at half-time though?

I tell other people to chill out but it’d be nice to follow one’s own advice. It’s a tough habit to break. Liverpool stay in full throttle mode, always wanting more.

They had to settle for one second-half goal but it could’ve been another five easily while the hosts should’ve had three. It’s bloody glorious when it all works. The rest must sound like party-pooping balloon busting par excellence and I wonder how sorrowful this gets when there’s something to genuinely complain about.

Perhaps it’s because I’m blasé about these kinds of performances now. Maybe the stuffy, skin-of-your-teeth scrambles aren’t easy on the eye but they’d be nice to have in the locker for the occasional rainy day like last week.

Be realistic, put your finger over first place and look at the table that way. We’re seven points behind United, just like we were six points behind Chelsea this time last year.

Hanging on in quiet desperation is the English way, sayeth the Floyd (amen) so that’s what we’re gonna do.

It’s nice to watch some proper football while we’re doing it.Re